The Lives of Others
by lvtwilight09
Summary: Outtakes from The Sharpest Lives
1. Ch 21 Outtake: Just Go With It CPOV

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight which is sad for me, but I do own the whip Bella uses on Carlisle.**

**A/N: So here's the outtake of Halloween from Carlisle's POV. I hope you all enjoy getting into his head as much as I enjoyed putting him in this awkward situation. **

**Chapter 21 Outtake: Just Go With It**

***CPOV***

This whole night has been awkward and uncomfortable so far. I really could kill Alice for the costumes she chose, or lack thereof in my case. Although I do like what she chose for Esme…she looks absolutely delicious in that corset. I've never felt so exposed…I don't care if this party is BDSM themed, jeans and a leather collar do not count as a costume. I'll have to remember to make sure Alice isn't in charge of costumes again next year because I'd rather deal with her complaining then wear something like this again.

I feel nervous walking into the club again. Maybe it's because I know what I'm walking into, but as soon as I see the way the club was decorated to look like some sort of sex dungeon, I start to worry about just what Bella was going to be doing on stage tonight. Some of the costumes other people are wearing don't help much either…I try to be open minded and understanding, but there are some things that are just wrong that no one should ever see. Like the 450 pound sweaty man walking around the club in nothing but tight leather shorts…this is definitely one of those moments where I wish it were possible to bleach my brain.

After we reach our seats, I look around to see where Edward has chosen to sit. We all felt it would be too risky for him to sit with us since we weren't sure if Bella had intended to leave a ticket for him or not. I see he isn't too far from us, and feel better knowing he's close in case he loses control and we need to intervene.

As the announcer's voice starts to come over the sound system I see the fog starting to creep along the stage floor, and realize that Bella will be performing soon. Before I know it, the lights dim, the music starts and I see Bella come out on stage. She's more covered up than the last time we saw her here, but not by much, and I don't know how long she'll be staying like that.

I watch as Bella, now wearing something that I would hesitate to even consider lingerie, dances and does tricks on the pole, and then moves down to the audience and starts dancing for the men sitting in the audience.

Before I even realize what's happening, Bella is sitting in my lap and wiggling her ass against me, then she's facing me and has a whip wrapped around me like it's a leash and is dragging me back on stage with her. I don't know what her plan is…she didn't mention anything about bringing me on stage , and I kind of wish she would have given me a heads up about this...as it is now, all Bella offers me is a whispered "Just go with it." Now I really want to kill Alice because of this costume. Being half naked on stage in a strip club was not in my plans for Halloween.

Bella basically drags me up the stairs, and I hear all the other men in the audience cheering me on, obviously wishing they were in my place. Lord only knows how long Emmett is going to remind me of this whole thing…that boy is probably never going to let me live it down.

This whole situation gets even more awkward as Bella pushes me against the pole and runs her hands up and down my body, and I do mean my whole body…I think she actually just groped me. Now, all I can think about is how badly I just want to be back in my seat next to Esme…this whole thing is so wrong. Why couldn't she have chosen Jasper or Emmett for this?

Before I can even think about how this whole experience couldn't get any worse, Bella spins around so her ass is against my crotch and she is swaying her hips back and forth. Then she turns around again so that she's face to face with me, and wraps one of her legs around my hip as she grinds against me. All I can think about is how ready Edward probably is to kill me.

Bella grabs ahold of the whip that is still around my neck, and leads me back to the stairs that lead to the audience. I can't get back to my seat fast enough and I glare at the rest of my family as I sit. I can only imagine what they are planning on saying, and my thoughts are confirmed when Emmett mutters "Damn Carlisle, you never told me you knew how to work the pole…I bet you put on a good show for Esme huh?"

I let out a low growl as I look at the rest of my family and say "Not another word about this out of any of you unless you want me to ship you off to Volterra for the next three decades." No one says anything but I can tell they are struggling to keep quiet and to not laugh. I know at some point there are going to be more jokes about this, but for now I just hope they let it go.

Finally Bella walks off the stage and we all try to regain our composure from what happened during her performance, God knows I'm still flustered and embarrassed, and the jealous glares from other men in the audience aren't helping. Edward heads off towards the back of the club, I guess he's going to try talking to Bella. I hope it goes well, I know they both still love each other, there is just a lot of hurt and pain that they both are feeling that's keeping them from seeing just how much they care about each other.

I'm not sure exactly what happens next, but Alice starts talking about how Edward shouldn't go in the back, but she stops Emmett and Jasper from getting him saying that it's already too late to stop him. Alice tells us we need to be home for when Edward gets there, so we leave right away for the house. On the way, Alice explains what she saw and how Edward isn't going to handle it well. I sigh, thinking how unfair it all is, that Bella and Edward just never seem to catch a break, no matter how much they deserve it. The rest of the drive home is quiet…my worries over being teased for being brought up on stage with Bella the furthest thing from my mind.

**A/N: So I hope you liked what Carlisle had to say. Don't forget to review so I can know what you all thought. Be sure to add this story to your alerts as this is where I will add the other outtakes from this story that I plan on writing. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Far From Home: Fandom For Tsunami Piece

**Far From Home: An Outtake From The Sharpest Lives**

**Author: lvtwilight09**

**Banner made by: vbfb1**

**Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine, and neither is the song **_**Far From Home**_**. I do however own this storyline, so yay for me. **

**Author's Note: Thanks to my beta ImaTwitard for prereading. Inspiration for this outtake came from the song Far From Home by Five Finger Death Punch. I highly suggest listening to it either before reading or while you are reading this…it definitely describes how Edward feels. This outtake covers what happened seven months after Edward left Bella when he decided to go back to Forks. I'd also like to thank you all for donating to help the people of Japan. Link to the banner is up on my profile, and on my blog.**

***EPOV***

Seven months…I never knew that time could move so slowly. Considering I'm a vampire, that's saying a lot. Seven months ago I ran away from the one person I would do anything for. Ironically enough, that's why I left…to protect her. Bella deserved so much more than what I could offer her, and she needed to be kept safe, something that was impossible with her being around a monster like me.

After Bella's birthday, and the whole debacle in the woods where I lied through my teeth about not wanting to be with her, the family moved north to stay here in Alaska with the Denali's for a while. At first, I truly tried to interact with everyone, to be a part of the family, but it just became too hard. Nothing mattered anymore, the one thing that did matter I had walked away from.

Now everyone has stopped trying with me, they've realized there's no point, and leave me alone except to remind me to hunt every once in a while. The calendar on the wall is taunting me as I stare at today's date. I don't understand how so much time has passed by when the pain feels like everything just happened yesterday. Everywhere I look it's as though Bella is haunting me and I can't deal with the reminders anymore. I need to do something to make the pain stop, but the only thing that I know that can do that is Bella.

Unsure of what to do anymore, I make my way downstairs to where Carlisle's study is. Before I can even knock I hear "Come in Edward" from the other side of the door. Pushing the door open, I make my way in and take a seat in the chair that is across from where Carlisle is sitting behind his desk, his face buried in some medical journal.

"How did you know it was me?" I ask.

"Edward, it wasn't hard. Even your footsteps sound depressed. I'm worried about you son. I know you said you left because you wanted what was best for Bella, but the toll it's taking on you isn't healthy. Maybe…well, maybe you should think about going back to Forks."

"Carlisle, I know I've been…_difficult_ to be around these past few months, and I'm sorry for making you all have to deal with it. I just never thought it would hurt so badly to be away from her. I've always known I needed her, but I never realized how much_. Everything_ reminds me of her, and that's what makes it so much worse. With all the reminders I feel like I can't try to let myself heal. I don't know what to do anymore. I think you're right though…I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to handle staying away. Maybe if we go back I'll be able to find a way to make it work…if she'll have me back."

Carlisle smiles what seems to be his first real smile in ages when I agree with him about going back to Forks. It kills me to know that I was probably the reason he hasn't really smiled in so long, but knowing now that I'm going back…going to try to get Bella back, I feel the start of a grin spreading across my face as well. It's been so long since I've smiled; it almost feels foreign to me.

"Ok then, I'll let the rest of the family know we're going back to Forks. We'll plan to leave tomorrow night, that way we can be in Forks for the weekend so that you can have the time you'll need to talk to Bella" Carlisle tells me.

"Thank you…for everything Carlisle."

Carlisle just nods at me and says nothing more, so I make my way out of his study and back to my room to start packing. I can tell the exact moment Carlisle tells everyone else because aside from their thoughts, Alice's excited squeal has probably now alerted half of Alaska that something is going on. My worry about everyone's reactions to my decision to return to Forks is quickly forgotten as I hear their thoughts, all of them understanding, and relieved that I'm finally not sulking any more.

If I had thought time was moving slowly before, than it has come to an absolute standstill now. Finally everyone is packed and we've all loaded up in our cars and are on our way. Even though I know I normally drive fast, I can't help but speed even more now that I know I'm going back to my Bella. Carlisle has already called me several times to remind me to slow down. After what seems like an eternity, we are finally seeing the familiar sign that says 'Welcome to Forks'.

As soon as we're at our old house, I'm ready to turn around and head straight over to Bella's to talk to her, but Alice stops me.

"What the hell Alice? I need to go talk to Bella. It's the whole reason why we came back, now let me go!" I demand.

"Edward! Stop and think for a minute. Even if you got into the house to talk to Bella, how happy do you think Charlie will be to see you? It'll be better if I go over and see her first. You can come, hide on the side of the house or something so you can hear, but let me go in first to try to smooth things over. Charlie always liked me, and I can always use the excuse that I came back to visit friends for the weekend."

In my rush to just get back here, it dawns on me that I never thought about Charlie and how I'd deal with him. I'm sure he's going to be overprotective to say the least once he finds up I'm around and trying to see Bella. I mean, I don't know exactly how everything was after I left, but from her reaction when I told her goodbye and the look on her face as I left her…I'd wager a guess things weren't all that chipper around the Swan house.

"Ok Alice, we'll do this your way" I tell my sister, hoping that this works.

After agreeing to Alice's plan, Alice and I, along with Jasper hop into Carlisle's Mercedes and head over to Bella's house. We ended up deciding that it would be a good idea to have Jasper with us in case things got out of hand, Jasper could step in to try to keep things under control. As much as I wished we were driving my Volvo, I had to agree with Carlisle when he suggested the Mercedes because it had the darkest windows. They would allow me and Jasper to just wait in the car, instead of lurking around the outside of the house like creepy stalkers. The last thing we needed was for Charlie to get a report of burglars or something outside of his own home.

We pull up in front of Charlie's house, and my heart sinks. Bella's truck is nowhere in sight. I had hoped she would have been home, even if I wasn't going to be talking to her, I was looking forward to at least being able to hear her voice again. Hopefully Charlie will let Alice know where Bella is and we can go find her there…maybe it's a good thing she isn't home, talking to her away from Charlie is definitely a more appealing option.

I watch nervously as Alice approaches the front door and rings the bell. The man who answers the door is definitely Bella's dad, but looks nothing like the Charlie that I remembered. Charlie looks…well just horrible. His hair is too long and in need of a washing, he hasn't shaved in weeks, and his signature mustache is now blending into the scraggly beard that has taken residence on his face. His eyes are bloodshot, and both have dark circles under them…it looks like he stopped sleeping right around the same time he stopped shaving. The best way to describe the way Charlie looks I guess would be to say that he looks the way I've felt the entire time I've been away from Bella.

Neither Charlie or Alice say anything for a moment, each of them in shock – Charlie to see Alice on his front porch, and Alice to see Charlie in the state he is currently in. After a brief, yet awkward stare down between the two, Alice finally breaks the silence.

"Hi Charlie…I umm…was wondering if Bella was around? I came back to Forks for a few days to visit, and thought maybe she'd want to hang out."

I'm not quite sure what Alice said or did to set Charlie off, but his thoughts start going a mile a minute and I can't make sense of them, and Jasper can't get a hold on his emotions because there all over the place. It's when Charlie finally composes himself enough to respond to Alice that we finally get some answers.

"Is this your idea of some sick joke Alice? Coming here and asking me about Bella? I don't know where she is...Bella left two months ago. She took her stuff and ran. No one in town saw her or where she was going and no one's heard from her since…it's like she's vanished off the face of the earth. I…I have to go get ready for work." Charlie's voice breaks as he struggles to keep from crying as he talks. As soon as he's done speaking, he doesn't even wait for Alice to reply, he just shuts the door in her face.

Alice says nothing as she gets back into the car and drives back home. None of us really have anything to say, even though I know we are all thinking about the same thing. When we get back to the house, I can hear everyone wondering what we're doing back so soon. Unable to bear having to tell everyone what happened, I go straight to my old room and leave the explanations to Alice and Jasper.

This wasn't how today was supposed to go, and now the one thing I was relying on to help stop the pain I'm in is gone. I have no clue where Bella went or why she left, and to ask the people in this town is pointless. Rumors and gossip are what they live for so the chance of getting the truth out of anyone is slim to none. Frustrated, I start pacing my room like a caged animal as I try to think of what to do.

I want to find Bella but I just don't know where to begin so I decide to call in reinforcements. Taking my phone out of my pocket, I dial Jenks' number and explain the situation as best I can to him, telling him that Bella is family member who's gone missing. He agrees to get some people to look into things and I remind him that cost isn't an option and to spare no expense.

As soon as I hang up with him I allow the frustration that is building inside of me to take over, enjoying the feeling of something else besides pain for a while. I walk over to my cd player that I had left behind when we moved away and press play, hoping that whatever cd is inside will help to calm me down.

As the music starts to pour out of the speakers, I'm brought to my knees by the song I'm hearing – Clair de Lune – the song I danced with Bella to here in this very room. I can't handle the memory or the feelings that come with it, and rip the cd player from the wall and throw it away from me, managing to shatter my room's glass wall in the process.

Everyone comes running upstairs at the sound of the glass shattering, and by the time they make it to my room, all they see is me on the floor sobbing in the middle of all the destruction I've managed to cause, the shattered glass reflective of just how much my life has fallen apart. As I look at the members of my family, I don't need my ability to read minds to know that they're feeling sorry for me or that they're aware that Bella is gone…it's already written on their faces.

My thoughts are confirmed when Esme doesn't even complain about me breaking the window or damaging the wall from ripping out the cd player. "I'll call the contractor to come tomorrow and fix everything. I'm just going to get a broom to clean up this broken glass" is all she has to say before leaving the room.

The rest of the family just stands there, unsure of what to say. Finally Carlisle breaks the silence.

"Son, we'll find her. I promise we will. I know how much she means to you, and I promise to do everything in my power to make sure we figure out what happened."

"I have to find her Carlisle. It was a mistake for me to leave, and I can't handle being away from her anymore. I don't know what I'll do if we don't find her…" I trail off not knowing what else to say and really needing to be alone right now. Everything that's happened today is just too much and I can't handle being around everyone.

I manage to get myself off the floor and walk over to my desk. I grab a pen and one of the blank journals that I always kept around before turning and jumping through the broken window. As soon as my feet hit the ground below I start to run with no particular destination in mind, just my need to get away guiding me. Eventually I slow down and when I finally stop, the irony of the location feels like a slap in the face.

Even in my attempts to get away from everything, I manage to bring myself to the location that started all of this pain to begin with…the spot in the forest where I left Bella. As much as I would love to try to fool myself and make my brain think it's just some other part of the woods, I know it isn't. I remember choosing this spot because it should have been easy enough for Bella to find her way back to her house after I had left her. I can still see her house from where I'm standing, the house where she should be but isn't.

I feel myself sink down to the forest floor as the reality of Bella being gone really hits me. I had felt lonely at times, being in a house full of mated vampires before having met Bella, but now – knowing that I had found my mate, and that I had let her slip away – now I knew the true meaning of alone.

Needing to find a way to channel everything I'm feeling without destroying anything else, I open up my journal and stare at the blank page before me. There is so much I wanted to say to Bella, but for now it seems as though the only way I'll get to say anything is to write it all out, but I haven't a clue where I should begin. Deciding not to overthink it, I just pick up the pen and let it move across the page without thinking of what I'm writing…

_Bella,_

_It's been seven months since I left you, and every day without you is getting harder to bear. I write to and of you often in my journals; it's the only way I seem to be able to deal with the time that has passed with us being apart. I was so wrong to leave you Bella. I thought it was the right choice, but I can clearly see that it wasn't. All I wanted was to protect you, and maybe it makes me a selfish creature, but I don't think I can continue on without you – even if my staying away would be the best thing for you – because the truth is that I need you far too much. _

_We came back to Forks today to look for you, only to find you gone, and it's as though my words to you from seven months ago – that you would never see me again – have come back to haunt me. Being back here and not having you with me is almost torture. I'm reminded of you everywhere I look; the memories are like shadows following me as a reminder of my mistakes. _

_In the many years of my existence I have been so many places and seen so many things, the stories of which I had hoped to be able to tell you one day, but now all of my plans that I had for us feel like a million shattered dreams. _

_As much as Carlisle and the others are my family, you are my home Bella, and you always will be. But you're gone now and I don't know where to go from here…I just can't seem to find my way home. I know I have always talked about how I believe that I don't have a soul...but I know you do, you're such a good person Bella, there's no doubt that you have a good soul. But knowing how pure your soul is Bella, and knowing the truth of what a monster I am…I can't help but feel as though your heaven is trying everything to break me down and keep me away from you. _

_No matter what happens though Bella, no matter what obstacles get in my way, I promise you I won't give up on you, on us, because I know now how much I need you in my life and can only hope you still want me in yours. _

_Come back to me Bella, please. If nothing else good ever happens to me for the remainder of my existence, let the last good thing be your return to me. _

_Eternally Yours,_

_Edward_

As I finish writing and close my journal, I look around and see that darkness has settled in for the night. I'm not sure how long I've sat here and I don't really care, but I'm positive that everyone is probably worried about my abrupt departure earlier. Deciding I should probably head back to the house, I stand up, brush the dirt off my clothes and take one last look at Bella's house. Realizing that this is as close as I will be able to get to her for now, I whisper "Look after my heart Bella, I've left it with you" hoping that wherever Bella is, she'll still hear me.

I run back to the house, and along the way I realize that there is nothing holding me here in Forks other than memories, which hurt too much to be around. We should probably head back to Alaska and develop a plan to find Bella. As I reach the house and walk in the door, ready to tell everyone what I'd like to do, I silently wish that wherever Bella is, she's happy, safe, and that soon we'll find our way back to each other.

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the outtake. Go on and click that little button to let me know what you think. Thanks for reading.**


	3. Already Perfect: F4SAA Piece

**Already Perfect: An Outtake From The Sharpest Lives**

**Author: lvtwilight09**

**Banner made by: timelights**

**Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine, and neither is the song **_**F*ckin Perfect**_**. I do however own this storyline, so yay for me. **

**Author's Note: Inspiration for this outtake came from the song F*ckin Perfect by Pink. I highly suggest listening to it either before reading or while you are reading this…it definitely describes Bella's feelings here and the message Rosalie is trying to send her. Special thanks to Massy for pre reading for me. I'd also like to thank you all for donating. **

***BPOV***

Ten days. I haven't shot up, drank or worked at the club for ten days. I should feel happy but I feel like death warmed over. Maybe Carlisle was right and I should have gone through medical detox…too late now. Things are getting better though. I don't have the shakes all the time, and the hot and cold flashes aren't as bad. The not throwing up all the time is a plus too, even if I still feel like I've been hit by a train.

The physical effects of having quit cold turkey I could handle, it's the emotional and mental battle that's waging in my head that is the real struggle. I guess a big part of it is the guilt. Carlisle didn't leave my side the first week, and Alice was always nearby to try to keep an eye on my future to make sure everything was going ok. The fact that the Cullens all put their lives on hold to help me…that's what makes me feel so guilty. I know they said they consider me family and that they would do anything for me, but this was one thing they never should have had to do.

I finally made them all go off hunting yesterday since they kept putting it off. They refused to even go in pairs saying that they all wanted to be close in case anything happened or I needed something. They always found ways to argue against leaving me, until I said that sooner or later I would have to start trying to be on my own at times. They couldn't argue with that since they all knew it was true, so they agreed saying that one of them would hunt close to home and would be back at some point today.

When they first told me that, I wasn't sure if I should be happy that they were concerned enough about me that they were easing me into being on my own, or if I should think that they just didn't trust me to run out and use the first chance I got to be alone. I didn't have the energy to really argue it out in my head or to actually bring it up, so I just let it go.

Looking at the clock I see that it's already almost noon and I still haven't bothered to leave my bed yet. Figuring I should at least attempt to take care of my own basic needs I get out of bed and head to the bathroom. I don't bother looking in the mirror; I don't want to risk seeing if I look as bad as I feel. I turn on the water in the shower and peel my pajamas off of me.

I step under the water and just let it work the soreness out of my body. As I wash my hair and my body, I let my mind wander a bit. I have no clue what I'm supposed to do with my life now. I don't even have my high school diploma so finding a job will be like finding a needle in a hay stack. I'm sure the Cullens would tell me that I don't have to worry about money, but I don't want to feel like a charity case. I guess I lose track of time because the water starts to run cold.

After shutting off the water I wrap a towel around my body and step out of the shower. As I pick up my brush to rid my hair of tangles I look at myself in the mirror for the first time since I stopped using. I was wrong to think that I looked as bad as I feel…I look worse. My skin looks paler than usual and the dark circles under my eyes look like bruises. Staring at my reflection I realize I don't recognize the girl looking back at me. I can remember what I used to look like once upon a time, but I look nothing like that now and I can't stop the tears that start to pour as I come to this realization.

I stare long and hard at myself in the mirror; trying to remember who I am, and I can't. It's not just the way I look that's different; it's who I am that has changed. I know who I used to be. I used to be Bella Swan, daughter of the chief of police, the straight A student who loved books. I used to be Bella, the once homeless girl who worked at The CatScratch Club as a dancer who had one too many bad habits. But staring at my reflection and trying to figure out who I am now…I don't have a clue as to who that is. Dancing and the club and the drugs, for better or worse had been my identity for so long…now without either of those things, I feel lost. I have no clue what I'm supposed to do with my life, no clue about who Bella Swan is or what I want out of life, or what I'm supposed to do just to get through each day…in this moment I understand just how much of a failure I am.

All of these thoughts seem to come at me at once and the feelings that are attached to them are more than I can bear. I start to sob uncontrollably as I collapse in a ball on the floor of the bathroom. I'm not sure how long I lie on the floor crying, but the next thing I know I'm being picked up by cool arms and carried back into my bedroom.

Once I'm placed back on my bed I look up to see Rosalie walking into my closet. As she walks back into my room, she tosses some clothes to me and says "You know I understand what you're feeling more than you might think."

"I doubt that very much Rose. I'm quite sure you never made the mistake of stripping for money or shooting up." I snap at her as I get dressed.

Rose sits down on the bed and motions for me to sit next to her. After I finish putting on my clothes I climb onto the bed and sit. For the first time I see Rosalie look nervous, like she has something to say but is afraid to say it.

"Bella, I may not have had the exact same experience as you, but what I went through…I understand what it feels like to be tossed aside by the man you love and then be forced into a situation, a life you never wanted. I know what it feels like trying to find your way in the world when you feel like you have no clue who you even are anymore." Rosalie's voice is barely a whisper, and I'm sure that if I wasn't sitting next to her I wouldn't be able to hear what she's saying.

"Rose…"

"Bella please, let me explain some things. Let me tell you my story. It isn't a fairy tale, but I was lucky; I got my happily ever after…you need to know that you can have yours too."

Rose has been great with everything, she's been doing everything she can to help me get through everything so far, but she's never had much to say before now, and her willingness now kind of catches me off guard. I nod my head to let her know I'm listening, afraid that actually speaking may make her change her mind about telling me whatever it is she has to say.

"Times were different when I was alive Bella" begins Rose. "All that was expected of women was to be a good wife and mother. That was all I had ever wanted out of life. I was young and naïve, I thought I knew what love was. It took one night out to prove how wrong I was. I was engaged to Royce King. He was easily considered the most eligible bachelor in Rochester. I thought he loved me, but all he wanted was a pretty trophy to keep on his arm. We were out one night with his friends…Royce had too much to drink. He left me alone with them, told me to be good and not to embarrass him. He knew what they were planning. By the end of the night I was bloody, beaten, and broken…I was praying for death. Carlisle found me, brought me back to his home and changed me."

Rose is quiet for a moment, and looking at her now, I swear she'd be crying if she could.

"I was filled with so much anger. I had loved Royce and he betrayed me in the worst way. When I finally realized what Carlisle had done, what I had become, I was miserable. This isn't a life I would have chosen for myself. All I've ever wanted was a family, children of my own…the chance to be sitting on the porch with my husband, surrounded by my grandchildren. The one thing I wanted most I could never have. Knowing that I had lost my chance at getting what I had wanted most…I didn't know who I was anymore. I had lived my entire life based upon the notion that I was going to be a mother, now that I didn't have that, now that I wasn't even technically alive…I didn't know what to do."

Taking my hand into hers, Rose continues telling me her story.

"I resented Carlisle and Edward, I sought our revenge against Royce and his friends, but nothing worked. Eventually I found Emmett. I think I loved him from the moment I first found him, but I was too afraid to admit it to myself, too afraid because I was hurt so badly the last time when it came to love. But Emmett, he understood me without me ever even saying a word. No matter what I did to try to push him away, he was there…telling me that I was already perfect, that it was okay for me to let go of the anger and the pain. Emmett got me to just start living again…he got me to accept my life for what it was and realize that all the bad that happened wasn't what defined who I was, that it was up to me, and the choices I make that would do that. He taught me to love again Bella, not only him and the rest of the family, but myself."

Listening to Rose talk about Emmett and how he helped her, loved her…I can't help the jealousy that starts rising inside me. I'll never have that, Edward was lost to me long ago and with what I've turned into, there's no chance of ever getting him back.

"Rose…our situations are completely different. You had Emmett. I don't have someone to help me like he helped you. I'm on my own in this, and it's hard." Breaking down into tears I continue talking. "It's so damn hard Rosalie. I have no clue who the hell I am or who I am supposed to be. I'm such a failure. I've lost everything and I don't even know where to begin trying to figure out how I'm supposed to basically start my life over again."

Rose just holds me as I cry for a while. I hate the fact that my emotions are so all over the place. I feel like all I've done is be angry or cry lately and I just wish I could feel normal for a change. Eventually Rose lifts my head so I'm looking at her.

"Bella, you are not alone. I know you feel like you are but you have me, Emmett, and the rest of the family all here for you if you would just let us in. Don't make the mistakes I made and waste time wallowing in regret, hating the world and yourself. I'm not saying it's an easy thing to do, it takes time Bella, but let us help you and I promise you'll get there."

I wanted to believe what Rose was saying, but I couldn't help the guilt that would come over me every time I tried.

"You shouldn't have to help me through something like this Rose. I'm not your responsibility…I'm not worth it." I mumble as I scoot back towards the center of the bed and pull my knees close to my chest. Tears are falling down my face again as the truth behind the words of what I just said hit home with me, making me feel like I've been punched in the gut. I turn my head away from Rosalie, tucking it into my knees in hopes of keeping her from seeing me cry again as I continue to whisper the words "I'm not worth it" to myself over and over.

I feel the bed dip as Rosalie moves towards me. Looking up I'm surprised to see her not looking at me with pity or disgust, but understanding. It's this look, the way she's looking at me now that makes me realize that Rose really does know how I'm feeling right now and I can't help but throw my arms around her, clinging to her like a life raft as I completely break down.

"What am I supposed to do Rose? Where do I go from here?" I manage to mumble between sobs.

Rose just holds me in her lap, rocking slightly back and forth in an attempt to calm me down as she talks.

"Shhh Bella it's going to be okay. You've made a few wrong turns and some bad decisions but the important thing is that now you're getting back on track. You have to stop second guessing and underestimating yourself. Start thinking about all the good inside you Bella, because right now all you're doing is putting yourself down. Stop listening to the voice in your head that tells you that you don't deserve to be happy because you do. I know that right now things are complicated and you've got your fair share of anger and hatred bottled up inside, but you need to confront the causes. Trust me, I know it's tough but I chased down my own demons and I'm still standing. I've already seen you do the same; you just need to face everything once and for all and put it behind you…let it all go so you can move on. And as for you feeling along or like a worthless failure…you are not alone, you have me and the rest of the family, and you are not worthless or a failure so please don't think like that because to me…you're already perfect. "

As Rose offers me words of comfort I manage to stop crying, and for a moment I grieve for the fact that she will never have children of her own because the way she's being with me right now just goes to show that she would have been a wonderful mother.

"Thank you Rose, for everything. I know we haven't always gotten along, but it means a lot knowing you're here for me. I promise I'll try to let you all in more."

Smiling, Rose squeezes my hand. "Any time Bella. Just remember, any time you start doubting yourself just remind yourself that you're already perfect."

My stomach takes this moment to make itself known and growls loud enough to wake the dead. Rose and I both laugh before she offers to go make lunch for me.

Getting off the bed, I step into the bathroom to splash some water on my face before heading out to the kitchen where Rose is. Looking at myself in the mirror again I still seem the same bruise-like circles under my eyes and my too pale skin, but as I think over everything that Rose said to me, I realize that they don't define me or the changes I want to make to make my life better; they are just reminders of where I've been in my life and lessons I've learned, and I can't help but think to myself that maybe Rose is right…maybe I am already perfect after all.


	4. Daddy's Little Girl: Fandom For Storms

**Daddy's Little Girl: An Outtake From The Sharpest Lives**

**Author: lvtwilight09**

**Banner made by: lvtwilight09**

**Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine, and neither is the song **_**My Little Girl**_**. I do however own this storyline, so yay for me. **

**Author's Note: Inspiration for this outtake came from the song My Little Girl by Tim McGraw. I highly suggest listening to it either before reading or while you are reading this. Special thanks to Kyla for holding my hand while I worked through writing this, and to Massy for being an awesome pre-reader.**

***ChPOV***

Another Saturday…another day without my little girl, day number 1,923 to be exact, not including the once time I saw her when I got a call about her being arrested for prostitution. It's been a little more than five years since she left, vanished without a trace. No one knew where Bella went and it seemed as if she didn't want to be found. There wasn't even much I could do to try and find her since she was eighteen and legally an adult. There were no signs of foul play, just a bunch of her things packed up and gone from her room and her truck was gone, all of which just pointed towards her up and leaving home.

There was no denying why Bella left. Ever since the Cullens left town she seemed to just give up and stop living. Those first few months, Bella was practically comatose. I don't think she said more than ten words to me then, most of the time it was some God awful combination of grunts, sighs, and sobs. Every time I looked at my little girl and saw just how broken she had become – seeing her look haunted by some unknown horror that left her living as an empty shell of a person – I died a little inside. I felt more and more each day as if I was failing as a father because I didn't know how to help my child feel better.

I shuffle into the kitchen in an attempt to make myself some semblance of breakfast. Opening the fridge I realize I have no eggs, not that I would be able to cook them anyway, and the milk is about two weeks past its expiration date, looking more solid than liquid in its container. I guess cereal is out too. Sighing, I grab the butter from the fridge and put it on the counter as I throw some bread into the toaster.

Once Bella disappeared I almost turned into her. I stopped living, all I did was spend my time trying to find the one good thing I did in my life, and every time a lead turned into a dead end I just wanted to curl up and disappear. I stopped taking care of myself, forgot things like getting to work on time, paying the bills, and eating regularly. It took Sue stepping in and me almost losing my job for me to snap out of it. Sue reminded me how I needed to care for myself, that it wouldn't do me any good to slowly kill myself because I'd need to be strong if I ever wanted to find Bella, bring her home and help her get better.

I wanted to be bitter and angry towards the Cullens, but I simply couldn't. Bella never explained what happened that day between Edward and her, but from what I heard from the Webers, Dr. Cullen had been offered a better paying position in a hospital in Los Angeles and Edward called things off because of the distance and not wanting to hurt Bella in the long run. Not that I ever really cared for the boy to begin with, but I did have to respect him for trying to look after Bella, despite how it all turned out. I guess the reason why I was never fond of him was because I knew. I could tell from how Bella looked at him, acted around him that he was her Renee. Knowing that is what made it all the more difficult to watch my baby suffer.

Renee was my world, and I knew I would never love another the way I loved her. When Renee left me it damn near broke me, and there was nothing anyone could do to help me. I needed time to work through it all on my own, and while I came out okay in the end, it was me who had to get myself through it. Knowing that, knowing that there was in truth nothing I could do but wait for Bella to get through this heartbreak on her own and be there waiting for her on the other side hurt more than anything else because I'm her father, I was supposed to keep her from getting hurt, or at least be able to fix it if she did, but this…I couldn't fix this.

Grabbing my half burned toast from the toaster, I put some butter on it and plop down in the chair by the kitchen table. I've almost forgotten what the table looks like. Since Bella ran off, it has become a sort of office for me where I kept track of everything I've done to try to find her…maps with possible sightings marked off, stacks of missing person posters, copies of the reports filed with the police here in Forks as well as Port Angeles, Seattle and Tacoma, reports from private detectives I had hired and my own notes from my weekends trying to find my daughter.

Shoving some of the papers aside, I toss my breakfast down on the table and start eating, unable to hide the grimace that forms on my face as I taste the burnt part of the bread. You'd think that after all this time I would have started to learn how to cook for myself, but I just couldn't bring myself to try. Bella had always taken care of the cooking, and I guess on some level I refused to learn how to in the hopes that she would come back, even if only for the reason that she knew I was more dangerous in the kitchen than I was when I was armed with a gun.

I guess knowing how Bella loved cooking should have been the first clue to tip me off with just how bad things were getting with her when she started forgetting to cook or complained about how I was a grown man and should know how to take care of myself. I was just so damn happy to finally start seeing her spend time with other people again; I failed to notice what was really going on. Once Bella started talking to the other kids at school and hanging out with people, I thought I would finally see Bella start to heal. I never thought or expected to see the changes in her that I did. She started sleeping late, stopped hanging out with Jacob, began missing curfew, and there were rumors around town about how she was sleeping with all the boys and drinking most nights…I knew how gossipy and malicious people here could be so I just tried to ignore it all.

I tried being stern with her, hoping that more stringent boundaries would help her get back on track, but then the calls from the school started about missing assignments and skipped classes. We started fighting all the time. Bella upset because she felt that she was an adult and should be able to do as she pleased, and me yelling and getting frustrated because my Bella…my little girl was disappearing before my eyes and I had no clue how to get her back.

The night I got the call from the high school telling me that there was no way she'd be able to graduate was the worst. I snapped, angry at myself for letting things get this bad and angry at Bella for throwing her future away. Bella and I had our biggest and what would end up being our last fight. She stormed out of the house and went God knows where. I should have gone after her, should have fought harder to get her to open up to me. I should have tried to find help for her or just forced her into moving to Jacksonville like I had threatened to do before. There are just so many what ifs and I can't help but wonder if I had done just one thing different, if my daughter would still be here today.

A few hours after Bella left I got the call about her being brought into the hospital for alcohol poisoning. As soon as I got to the emergency room, one of my deputies filled me in on the details about how Tyler Crowley found Bella passed out in front of The Lodge and how she was barely breathing. When the doctors came to talk to me, I was lost in the medical mumbo jumbo they were trying to explain, only catching and understanding snippets of what they said…respiratory distress, liver damage, and unknown potential for brain damage being a few. I was never one who was much for religion or prayer, but believe you me I prayed and prayed that night, promising God anything he wanted if he would just spare my daughter and make her well again…he only answered half of my prayer.

Several days after _the incident_ as we referred to it, Bella was medically cleared to go home. I laid out an even stricter set of rules, and was thankful when she agreed to them without a fight. I foolishly thought that this whole experience was a wakeup call for Bella, but when I came home from work that night…my world completely came crashing down around me. That was the night I had found Bella gone.

When I first got home and saw the truck wasn't in the driveway, I thought that maybe Bella had gone to pick up her prescription from the pharmacy since we had forgotten to fill it earlier in the morning. As soon as I had gotten inside the house though, I knew something was wrong. Everything was a mess and when I checked Bella's room and noticed her things were missing I knew I had lost my baby girl for good.

I'm not ashamed to admit I cried like a baby, pleaded with a God who for whatever reason refused to answer my pleas and prayers, and begged anyone and everyone who would listen to help me bring my daughter home and get her the help she needed. I wasn't stupid, I knew the statistics for finding runaways, but I couldn't help but hold on to my hope that I would be one of the lucky ones. At first, I tried tracking Bella's movements through her bank account, checking where she used her card and then driving like mad to the location in the hopes that I would be able to find her. I never did, and when I saw the transaction where Bella took out the last of the money from her account and closed it, I knew I lost my one solid link to ever being able to find her.

Everything changed for me once Bella left. I stopped going fishing with Billy; I just went through the motions at work. I was living in a daze; the only time I seemed to actually function like a real person was when I was trying to track down Bella. I lashed out a lot at anyone who got in my way, who told me to just let her go. I couldn't do that…how could anyone even think to suggest that. I'm her father, and I could and would never give up on my daughter no matter what happened. I spent a good deal of time in the hardware store buying drywall patches for the countless number of holes I ended up punching in the walls of the house out of frustration. Never once did I damage Bella's room though. I could barely bring myself to go into it when she first left, but over time I found just going in there to be comforting. It was the only way I was able to feel close to my little girl. I never changed a thing in the room either, I needed to leave it just the way it was so that when Bella came home she would see that I had never once forgotten her or gave up on her.

Finishing up my toast, I toss the plate into the sink, ignoring the clattering as it comes into contact with the other dishes that have piled up. I promise myself that I'll clean them even though I know the reality is I will end up having no clean silverware, dishes or glasses to speak of and will probably be eating with my hands and drinking out of containers before Sue finally gives in and cleans everything for me. I feel bad for letting things go, but having a clean plate to eat off of isn't high on my priority list when my daughter has been missing for five years.

Moving in to the living room, I sit in my recliner and pick up the photo album off of the coffee table. It's just another part of the sad, pathetic routine that had become my life. In all of the time that had passed since Bella left, I spoke with her once on the phone, when she called begging me for money. It took everything in me to say no because I couldn't bear the thought of me giving her money for drugs or alcohol and I was convinced that's what she wanted it for. She never called me again. After that I managed to see her once for all of twenty minutes when I had to bail her out of jail when I got a call from an old buddy about my daughter being arrested for prostitution.

Seeing her that day I think was agony. There was no light in my daughter's eyes; she looked like a complete stranger to me. She was far too thin, with stringy hair and dark circles under her eyes. After they released her from the cell we stood there awkwardly for several minutes, neither of us knowing what to do or say. I tried to hide the disappointment and sadness I was feeling, but I doubt I did a very good job. By the time either of us thought to say anything, we were already outside the police station. I was struggling to find something to say; anything to get Bella to talk to me, to agree to come home with me, but by the time I tried to speak Bella already whispered a sad sounding "Thanks Charlie" and ran off in the opposite direction.

I almost broke down when I heard her voice. I could hear in it how much she was hurting. Add to that the fact that she called me Charlie, and I was done for. For so long all I had wanted was my little girl back, to hear her call me dad again, and now that I had found her, she called me Charlie, her tone not even giving a hint to the fact that we were actually father and daughter, but sounding more as though we were nothing more than casual acquaintances.

I tried running after her, I stayed in town for a week looking everywhere for her…alleyways, gentlemen's clubs, homeless shelters, but couldn't find her anywhere. I hated to leave knowing I was finally in the same city as my little girl, but I needed to return to Forks because of work. As much as I wanted to return to where I last saw Bella, I never did. I figured she moved on to another town and from what I've gathered she wouldn't be found if she didn't want to be. My friend at the police station did offer to keep an eye out for her for me and let me know if he ever heard anything. I never got so much as a phone call from him, and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

As I look through the old photo albums, I let the tears flow freely. It's the only time I let myself cry anymore. I had been so all over the place emotionally, that eventually restricting when I would let myself vent about everything became the only way I could make it through the day. Each picture is precious to me, reminds me of the all too few memories of the far too short time I got to have with my daughter. I can still remember how I thought she looked like an angel the day she was born. Wrapped in pink, so soft and warm; she was the definition of a miracle to me. I was wrapped around her finger since the day Bella was born.

I look at the pictures of Bella as she grew up and I can't help but wonder about her now and what could have been….would she have found love again, where would she have gone to college and what would she have majored in. It seems so cruel to only have these photos as memories and dreams of what will seemingly never happen, no matter how much I wish it would.

I'm shaken out of my memories as I hear the familiar sound of the mailbox being slammed shut, alerting me that Hank has delivered the mail for the day. The mailbox is old and a bit rusty, and has to be slammed shut to make sure it stays closed, but I can't bear to part with it. Bella and I had painted it together one summer when she had come to visit when she was little and both of our handprints were on it. I'm more thankful now than ever for the varnish I sealed it with, ensuring the preservation of my daughter's tiny handprint. Every day without fail I brush my hand over hers when I check the mail…it's become my own little way of still feeling connected with Bella.

Closing the photo album and placing it back in its spot on the coffee table, I make my way out to grab the mail, certain that it will be nothing more than junk. For the longest time after Bella was gone, Sue would have to check the mail for me as marketing companies would send advertisements and other useless mail to the house in Bella's name. The first time I checked the mail after she left and I saw something sitting there with her name on it I broke down and cried for an hour in the rain outside my house, unable to move away from the mailbox and refusing to let go of the envelope with Bella's name on it. After that, Sue started coming by three times a week to sort my mail for me, moving anything with Bella's name on it into a storage box in the hall closet.

Grabbing the mail, I head back into the house and settle back into my recliner as I sort through it. There are two bills and another envelope. Setting the bills aside so I can deal with them later, I focus on the envelope. As soon as I see the handwriting, my eyes dart to the return address and my breathing starts to pick up as my heart begins to race. Everything starts to seem hazy and the words on the envelope seem to start moving, but I quickly realize it's because my hands are shaking.

One part of my mind wants to think that this is a cruel joke someone is trying to play on me, telling me that this isn't real, while the other part of my brain would know the handwriting anywhere…it was Bella's messy scrawl, something no one would have been able to fake. The realization that this is something from my daughter spurs me into action. Needing something to calm my nerves a bit, I bolt towards the kitchen and rifle through the fridge, pulling out a can of Vitamin R. Popping the top on the can, I chug half of it in one gulp before sitting down at the kitchen table. Taking an unsteady breath, I flip the envelope over and carefully open it.

I pull the pages out from inside, and tell myself that no matter what the letter says, it's a good thing. It's contact, a sign that Bella is still out there somewhere and alive, which is better than some of my fears which have replayed over and over in my head time and again. On top of the fact that she's made contact, Bella included a return address, and by doing so, has given me a lead to run with to hopefully find her. Nervously, I unfold the paper and brace myself for whatever news this letter might hold as I begin to read.

_Dear Dad,_

_I'm not exactly sure how to start this, and I'm not even sure that you want to hear from me. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't, not after everything I have put you through. I've missed you so much Daddy, every day I've been gone I've missed you. There probably aren't words that are appropriate enough, but I just want you to know how sorry I am for leaving the way I did, and for putting you through what I'm sure was worse than a living nightmare. _

_Back in Forks I made so many awful mistakes, and there is so much I wish I could change. I was so lost and hurt from losing Edward that in the process of trying to cope with moving on from him, I managed to lose myself. I gave up on myself and made choices that I regret more than I could ever say. _

_Once Edward was gone, I was convinced I would never love again, that no other boy would ever want me. So when the boys around school started showing interest in me, I gave in to their requests for sex in hopes that it would make them stay with me. It never did, and each time the pain grew and intensified. _

_I couldn't handle the pain so I started drinking. I heard the rumors and whispers around town about what people were saying about me, and the drinking and partying helped me to tune it all out. I wish I was a stronger person back then, strong enough to have been able to turn to you for the help that I now know I needed. _

_I lost control of myself; I lost sight of all the goals I had set for myself and everything I had hoped to accomplish in life. I gave up on school, and ignored and disrespected you. It was easier for me to do that then to face the reality that I was hurting you every day. I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive myself for the pain I've cause you Dad, nor do I ever expect you to be able to either. The truth is I don't deserve the forgiveness to begin with. _

_I ran away from home for so many reasons. Trying to avoid the memories that haunted me, escaping the rumors and gossip that surrounded me, and getting away from my own guilt from knowing that the choices I was making were breaking you a little more each day. Once I was on my own, I did so many things that I'm ashamed of, many of which you learned about the day you bailed me out of jail._

_At first I was okay on my own, slowly though I developed a drug habit to chase away the memories and to help me forget, but then my money ran out and I was both too proud and too afraid of having to face the consequences of my actions to return home to you. Once the money was gone I started selling myself in every sense of the word. I sold my body to get money to feed my habit, but the truth is, every time I sold myself, I sold a bit of my soul too. I'm working hard now to try and put myself back together, but it is still a long and hard process. _

_I'm sorry if I've caused you more pain by telling you everything in this letter, but the truth is that you deserve the chance to understand everything. Most importantly Dad, I need you to understand that none of what happened, none of the things I've done were to spite you, nor were they your fault. You didn't raise me to act the way I did. The choices I made were my own, the mistakes I made were my own, and now I'm finally taking responsibility and facing the consequences of my actions. _

_Part of the process is trying to make things right and fix the mistakes that I have made. I've stopped stripping and selling myself, and I'm no longer doing the drugs or drinking. I've even taken the exam to get my GED. While these have all been fairly recent changes in my life, I am working hard each day to ensure that they become permanent ones. I'm working hard Dad, because I hope that one day you will be able to look at me or talk about me and be proud to call me your daughter. _

_I'm doing okay now Dad, I have a place to live, money in my pocket and food to eat. You should know that I'm being looked after by the Cullens. I hope you don't blame any of what happened on them because it wasn't their fault. It was fate that brought them to me, and they have opened up to their home to me and welcomed me back into their family. Edward however, is not in the picture, at least not right now. I don't know if I will ever be able to work things out with him, no matter how much I love him, but only time will tell. _

_I hope one day that we will be able to get our relationship back, and that perhaps one day I will be able to ask you to forgive me for all of the hurt and pain I have caused you over the years. I love you Daddy. I always have, and I always will._

_ Love Always,_

_ Bella_

I finish reading the letter, noticing that Bella has included all of her contact information and set the tear stained pages aside. I'm rapidly gulping air into my lungs in my attempt to get my breathing under control and pinching myself on the arm, trying to convince myself that this is real. That the letter I just read is really from my daughter and that I really have been given a way to find her, given a second chance at having her in my life.

I know I should be angry and upset with her for everything she's put me through these past few years, but all I care about is that I've found my daughter and she's safe. She's working to make a better life for herself, accepted her past and learned from it, and is trying to move on. As far as I'm concerned, regardless of what happened, she is my child. The past is the past and nothing can be done to change it, so it's time to move forward and start trying to rebuild my relationship with Bella.

Unsure of what to do with myself, I just sit for a while as I try to wrap my head around everything that I just read. Staring at the letter, I pick it back up and read it over and over again, eventually memorizing the words. After an hour of reading the letter over and over, I enter into a stare down with my telephone. I'm dying to call her, to hear my little girl's voice again, but I'm so afraid to at the same time. As much as I've dreamt of this moment, I'm at a loss for what to say if she answers the call.

My fear of losing the chance to have my daughter back in my life wins out over my nerves of what I'm supposed to say, and with a shaky hand I dial Bella's number. My heart is racing, and I realize I'm holding my breath as I wait to see whether or not Bella will answer or if I will have come to another dead end. Just as I think the voicemail is going to kick in, I hear my daughter's voice. She sounds nervous, and I can already tell she's crying, but hearing her say the words "Hi Daddy" to me through the phone is the most beautiful thing I have heard in a long time. Releasing the breath I was holding, I try to reign in my emotions as I feel them starting to slip from under my control as I reply back to my daughter and say "Hi Babygirl."

Our phone conversation lasts for hours. We talk about a lot of what Bella wrote in the letter, discussing things she did and why, and how she's doing now. I can't express how much pride I feel as she tells me that she took and passed the exam for her GED. As our talk draws to a close, I blurt out the one question I've been dying to ask the entire time we've been on the phone, asking if I could come to visit her. Hearing Bella tell me that nothing would make her happier sets off a new round of tears, and a promise to call her back as soon as I've made my travel arrangements. Not more than twenty minutes later, I call her back to let her know I'll be seeing her in two days time.

~*~\TSL/~*~

My knee shakes nervously as the plane lands. The past two days have seemingly dragged on. Once the flight attendants give the okay for us to move about the cabin, I grab my carryon and bolt towards the door, ignoring the stares and grumbles from people I bump into along the way. They don't understand, I'm finally getting to see my daughter again. By the time I'm off the plane and in the airport, I'm running like a madman towards baggage claim. As soon as I get there, I stop dead in my tracks.

I see my Bella, my little girl…and she looks good. She looks healthier than the last time I saw her, happier too. I walk over to her and time stands still as I wrap her in my arms and hug her tightly, not ever wanting to let go. Both of us are fighting to keep from crying, when I notice Carlisle holding my luggage for me. I guess he sees the look on my face as I struggle to figure out how to manage to carry my bags while still keeping my hold on Bella as well because he offers to carry the suitcase for me. I nod in thanks, because while I know that I'm really here with my daughter, there's a small part of my brain that still thinks that if I let go of her, that she'll disappear on me again.

I spend the next few days getting to know my daughter again, rebuilding my relationship with her. We're both brutally honest with each other when we talk, and as much as it hurts at times, we come out stronger on the other side because of it. I'm finally feeling as though I can live again, and not just go through the motions every day. While I know that Bella may never come back to Forks, I'm okay with that. I understand her reasoning, after everything, there are far more negative than positive experiences there for her, not to mention that the town gossips tend to have elephants memories. I am more than happy to travel to Bella, and am already planning on retiring soon and selling the house so that I can be move and be closer to her…we've lost far too much time together for me to stay away for long now.

Getting out of the car to go back to Forks was one of the hardest things I had to do. I wanted so badly to just stay with Bella, but Mark was relying on me working the holiday so he would be able to spend it with his wife and their children. His kids were still young, still believed in the magic of Santa, and knowing the pain of not being able to be with your child, I couldn't think to take that away from him.

Before leaving, Bella and I planned my next visit for some time in March or April. What Bella didn't know was that my visit would be a permanent one. I fully planned on being retired by that point, so that I could be closer to her. Carlisle and I had talked at length during my visit about how he has cared for Bella's medical needs and how he considers her a child of his own. As odd as it was to see the whole lot of the Cullens all still looking exactly as they did five years ago, as if they were frozen in time or something, I will be forever grateful for how they have cared for Bella. There isn't a better family I could have hoped for her to be welcomed into.

After giving Bella final hug, and making her promise for about the millionth time to be sure to keep in touch and call me often, I step away and head into the airport to fly back to Forks, knowing full well in my heart that it was no longer my home. My home was as close to my daughter as I could get.

~*~\TSL/~*~

Looking at the calendar, I can't help but be excited. It's March, and I'm going to see Bella again in a few short weeks. So much had happened in the time since I last saw her. I was happier, enjoying life again. Billy and I were close again, even after the bombshell he dropped on me regarding the Cullens. I never would have believed him had he not had Jake prove it. Now I know why the kid was so huge…he was really just an overgrown mutt.

I called Carlisle the night Billy slipped about the whole vampire thing. I was understandably worried about Bella, but Carlisle was more than courteous. Answering any and all questions I had, even offering to come to Forks if I had wanted so that we could discuss everything face to face. Knowing the full truth now about Bella and Edward's relationship made her eventual downfall much easier to understand. It also made Edward's reasoning behind choosing to leave Bella in Forks easier to understand, and as much as I hated to admit it, made me respect the boy for what he tried to do. Bella didn't yet know that I knew the truth, and as much as it hurt me and Carlisle both to keep the secret, I asked him to not say anything yet, wanting to talk to Bella about it in person myself so that she could see that I had come to terms with and accepted the truth about the Cullens.

I also took the time to get all of my affairs in order. I started the process on my retirement paper work, and met up with my attorney to make sure I had things in place because I wanted to make sure Bella would be taken care of should anything ever happen to me. Even though I know she would quite literally always have the Cullens around to care for her, as a father I needed to know that I had provided for her as well.

Yawning, I make my way to bed, tired from both the day of fishing with Billy and the big dinner that Sue had made for us after the day out on the boat. Stopping by my bathroom, I pop a few antacids as I rub my chest, feeling pressure in my sternum. I really need to cut back on the rich, fried foods, heartburn is starting to creep up on me more than usual and at the rate I'm going I should just buy stock in Tums and Rolaids.

I glance at the picture of Bella and I that was taken when I went to visit her back in December. We're both smiling and happy. It's my favorite picture of the two of us. Smiling at the thought that I'll be back with my daughter soon, I close my eyes, hoping that the antacid will kick in soon to put a stop to the indigestion that is causing the increasing feeling of pressure in my chest.

As I lay in bed, I feel my breathing start to slow as my eyes close, Bella's words from my conversation with her earlier in the day playing in my head…_"No matter what, I'll always be Daddy's little girl" _she promised me. The promise brings a smile to my face as I feel myself let go and drift off, finally at peace with myself, at peace with the knowledge that everything is ok, that my Bella…my little girl has come home.


End file.
